Underpants on My Head Read online

  Jack pretended he was Dad. “Saddle the horses! Up and at ’em!”

  Jenna rolled her eyeballs.

  We climbed higher, really high.

  Chapter 6

  We climbed up where the air is thinner, so the trees can’t grow. The mountain looked like the bald head of that guy on the airplane; it was all bare on top with scraggly stuff growing around the edges.

  More clouds came, a whole crowd of them. They rushed by like they were late for a cloud party. The wind flapped my jacket. I zipped it up all the way.

  The path got skinnier and steeper. My dad slipped on the loose rocks.

  “Yep, watch your step,” he said.

  Then I learned what it means when people say the wind whistles, because that’s what it started to do. It whistled just like my soccer coach does when you go out of bounds.

  “Look at that view, would you? Hah!” Dad stopped us for a minute. We were almost at the top of Mount Baldy.

  “I think I see our house!” I really thought I could see all the way to Illinois.

  “Cleo, that is so totally not possible.” I didn’t care what Jenna said. I waved hello to Lucy, back home.

  “I can see Egypt!” Jack said, and walked like an Egyptian for about ten minutes, until Jenna yelled at him to stop.

  “Say cheese.” Dad took pictures of Mom with the mountains behind her.

  But she said “Brrrrrrr” instead, and shivered. Then, “Hey!” Mom looked at the sky and held out her hand to catch what fell.

  “Oooh!” I felt something wet hit my cheek, right where Gram’s lipstick had been.

  “SNOW!” Jack shouted. He stuck out his tongue to taste a flake.

  “Whoooaaa.” Jenna frowned as she watched the snowflakes fall on her blue sleeve.

  “Good heavens.” Mom laughed for the camera.

  Click.

  Then it was like some wizard waved a magic wand, the one they use for weather.

  Chapter 7

  Winter showed up out of nowhere!

  It went like this: colder, some snow, REALLY cold, MORE SNOW (not to mention WIND!), FREEZING, LOTS OF SNOW, BLIZZARD!

  We were in a snowstorm! Just like that!

  It was summer! A half an hour ago I was just la-dee-da, my toes in the stream, and now I was making footprints in snow!

  The wind was like a soft wall holding us up, all loud and making our hair crazy. Everything was swirly white.

  “Everybody hold hands!” Dad took Jack’s hand, Jack took Mom’s and I grabbed Mom’s jacket and pulled myself close. I turned and reached for Jenna but she just stood there, hugging herself. A tear blew sideways across her cheek.

  “Come on, Jen!” I reached harder and grabbed her hand. I had to really pull to get her started.

  We found a big rock to huddle next to. I stretched my sleeves down over my hands, but the wind stung my cheeks, like a long slap.

  “Here, put these over your heads!” Mom handed us our extra underpants.

  I thought about it for a second (EEWWW!) but only a second. Underpants on my head was better than Frosty the Snowman! Me and Jack pulled them on and peeked out through the leg holes.

  “I can’t, I can’t . . .” Mom had to help Jenna with her underpants because she was too shivery and whiny.

  “Hee, hee, heeheeheehee hee!” Jack pointed at us and laughed until his pointer finger got too cold and he put it back in his pocket.

  Click. Dad took a picture. I thought, People don’t usually stop to take pictures if you’re about to freeze to death, so maybe we won’t.

  “Are we going to freeze?” I had to kind of yell so Mom could hear me.

  “No, honey,” she yelled back, and kissed my cold hands.

  I just hoped, if we did freeze, nobody would find the camera and the entire world would see pictures of me with underpants on my head.

  Jenna was really crying, so Mom put an arm around her. I think maybe Jenna read too much Harry Potter, where terrible things happen to kids on every page. She forgot that we’re regular children with nice parents and we probably won’t die on Mount Baldy, or even get frostbite.

  Probably.

  Chapter 8

  Then the storm got worse.

  Dad tucked the camera in his pocket. “Let’s walk!” he shouted.

  I could hardly hear him now. The wind wasn’t whistling anymore, it was kind of screaming. The snow sneaked into my jacket and my socks and pants. I held on tight to Mom and I was just sure Dad could find the way down.

  Or pretty sure, anyway.

  I was shaking so hard now, it was almost like I was doing some weird dance.

  “Aaaaah!” Jenna slipped and fell.

  Her hand slid out of mine. I pulled on Mom to keep my balance, so then she fell too. Jack yelled to Dad, and they both bent down to help Mom.

  Jenna just lay there, all crumpled, like a pile of laundry.

  “Get up, Jenna!” I yelled.

  “NOOooo, I’m too cold, I’m cold. . . .”

  I yelled at her to tuck her legs under, and she did.

  “Now hold on!” Her hands were like mine, all red and stiff and wet, and it hurt to grab them. I tried to pull her up, but her legs were all noodly.

  “I’m cold, I’m cold . . . ,” she kept saying.

  “EVERYBODY’S COLD, JENNA! GET UP!” I was totally crabby, but I felt sort of bad for Jenna. She must have been even more freezing and scared than me to let me be so bossy with her.

  I got behind her and locked my arms under her armpits. I think suddenly being the Boss of Jenna made me really strong, because I got her up in one heave: “Uuuup! ”

  Then Dad and Jack were there. They each took one of Jenna’s hands. Mom was back up and we all started walking again. We held on to each other like those elephants you’ve seen, holding tails with their trunks, all in a line. Even Dad went step . . . step . . . step, just as slow as us.

  We inched down Mount Baldy.

  Then it was like that wizard waved the Weather Wand again.

  Chapter 9

  Magically, while we walked, winter just went away, like this: BLIZZARD, SNOW (not to mention WIND), less wind, LESS SNOW, CLOUDS LEAVE (underpants come OFF our heads), SUN PEEKS OUT, warmer, warm! And we were back to being a regular family in summer. I let go of Mom’s jacket, but Jenna held my hand tight all the way back to the pretty meadow.

  When we got there, Jack fake-fainted to the ground. “AAAAaaahhhhh h ! ”

  Then I fell too, and I pulled Jenna down with me. Mom and Dad laughed and fell down, plop, plop, next to us. The grass smelled like, I don’t know, sun. We all just lay there, warm and quiet.

  After a while, Mom sang:“Three bears in a bunch were out looking for lunch,

  When suddenly, Papa Bear said,

  ‘Hey, what’s that I’m seeing? A small human being

  With white underpants on her head!’ ”

  Jenna laughed the loudest.

  Then I noticed I was really hungry.

  “Ham on rye, anyone?” Mom always had extra sandwiches, no matter what.

  “Wow,” Dad said. “That was something. Hah!”

  At first I thought he meant the ham on rye, then I knew he meant the blizzard.

  “I get to tell Gram about it,” I said. I waited for Jenna to argue, but she didn’t. “Jen, you can tell the Little Three.”

  “’Kay,” Jenna said. She was lying on her back, eyes closed.

  “I’m going to tell Pete and Flip ALL about it!” Jack announced.

  “Jack, DON’T tell about the underpants, okay?” I got all goose bumps just thinking about how embarrassing that would be.

  “Aw, that’s the best part! They’re gonna love it! Hee, hee, heeheeheeheeHEE!”

  I don’t think he’ll tell. He’ll just tease me about it for a million years.

  Me and Jack skipped behind Dad all the way down Mount Baldy. Jenna and Mom followed us slowly back to the Clown Car.

  I couldn’t wait to tell about our adventure. I could sort of feel th
e story inside me, like a tiny book, bouncing around while I skipped.

  Then I thought about all the other stories I have in there, more tiny books, all in a row. There’s the book of when I got stitches in my head. There’s one about when Jenna won a toilet seat in the school raffle. There’s a little book about when I brought home the school’s pet iguana and Jack ran over it with his bike. You know, regular stuff.

  But the one from that day on Mount Baldy was different from the others.

  Definitely.

  I think I might have to call it a wizard book.